But with a week to spare (and no closer to finding an alternative), we grudgingly decided to hyphenate. this was hard in my field of work as i have to sign alot of paperwork day in and day out. They commemorated the combining of family fortunes and affiliations by marriage. Three years later, when our second son came along, we moaned and groaned in anticipation of another hyphenated name. Hyphenate your name, or both of you can hyphenate your names. Having the same last name throughout your family unit makes things simpler, especially once you have children. accomplishments which you have gained before your marriage. Another issue in many cases is deciding what the last name is going to be for the minor child. In a situation where parental rights of one parent have been legally terminated, the other parent may change the child's last name … That evening, I suggested to my husband that we change our kids’ last names—and this time we would get it right. Mail and Christmas presents would sometimes come addressed to our sons’ old names, but after a few months and a few hard conversations, most people had gotten over it. It took us a couple of years to feel comfortable being so unconventional, but like most things related to parenting, confidence takes time. plus, people are always … i dropped my middle name and made my middle name my maiden name (if that makes sense). Here, parents who’ve tried some of the common options explain the pros and cons of each … “We had a non-hyphenated double surname.” Anna’s double surnames caused issues for her children, so she changed the rules for baby number three. Motherhood had introduced all kinds of other unexpected things into my life (extended breastfeeding and doing elaborate song-and-dance routines to get my kids to eat vegetables), so I felt more comfortable doing something a bit unconventional as long as I felt it was best for my kids. Cons: Unless your child decides to incorporate the other parent's last name into ... You plan on giving baby that hyphenated last name. Turns out a having a hyphenated name is a real pain. Valerie Freeman is the founder of Betty Lu Paperie and a member of The Cultivated Creative and Stationer's Summit. Learn more about the pros and cons of merging last names and how to create a new last name. How to Change Your Name After Your Wedding. You may choose to hyphenate your name no matter which gender you identify with or whom you are marrying, as no law or rule prevents you from doing so. Judges have done so in the past because the hyphenated name becomes a symbolic reminder to the child of his or her relationship with both the father and mother. The cons of the hyphenated last name include what might wind up being a very long last name for the child. Our kids now share a last name we’re all proud of—to us it’s the perfect mix of their maternal and paternal history. Why my two children have different last names, I changed my name for the sake of my kids—and I regret it, Whoa! That can make things easier when you go on trips, have to deal with schools, and even when you're just interacting with other parents. If you have children, which name will they use as a last name? Thanks! You have to change bank accounts, credit cards, insurance policies, medical coverage, driver's licenses, loans, property, car and boat registration, identification cards, legal documents, agencies and organizations, passport, and Social Security card—among others. So one child has … Your Biggest Wedding Etiquette Questions, Answered, The 15 Best Luggage Pieces That Will Make You Honeymoon-Ready, 7 Feminist Alternatives to Outdated (and Patriarchal) Wedding Traditions, Where to Register: The 44 Best Wedding Registry Sites & Stores, The Ultimate Post-Wedding Checklist: 13 Tasks To Do After Your Wedding. I hyphenated my kid's last name—four years later, I changed my mind. It’s not common to give a hyphenated last name to your children which means you’d likely have a different last name than your children. We made calls, corrected and spent far too much time explaining not only that our kids really did have two last names, but why we’d chosen to name them something so inconvenient for everyone else. Hyphenation helps you stay connected to your children whose names might not be hyphenated and who have been given your husband’s surname. She has performed hundreds of weddings and is licensed in all 50 states. This application becomes the legal marriage document after the wedding. Pro child has both parents last name. Create a new last name by combining both surnames. However, there are some drawbacks to hyphenating. Kid Complications. save. A Last Name as a First or Middle Name If you want to change your child's surname, there are some circumstances when a name change [1] petition will be approved without the consent of both parents:. Pros: One way to get around hyphens yet honor both parents is to create a new name from both parents' last names. If you’re on the fence about changing your last name—you’re in good company! Hyphenating last name after marriage: the pros and cons The legal formalities regarding the change of name after marriage have certainly changed over the years. share. In most states, the cost isn't more than a few hundred dollars, but that amount could be prohibitive for some people. The ONLY time that was an issue was when traveling out of the country with our young son, who has my last name. I also felt strongly that the tradition of taking your husband’s name was sexist—like an exchange of property. Parents invented over 1,000 new baby names in 2017. Just as we’d been warned, the hyphen was a real pain. Making big decisions is an essential part of wedding planning, from picking your flowers to finalizing your guest list. Cons of a Name Change First and foremost, it isn't free. When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first baby, we immediately started a list of potential names. ... Why my two children have different last names The new name felt both fresh and grounded in their history. Con they have a long last name,their last name is different than their parents 11 comments. By Julia Pelly February 14, 2019. Explaining the change to my sons was also easy: one was still a baby and wouldn’t know himself by any other name, while the other, who was four, was satisfied when we let him know that sometimes a kid’s last name changed when they were four and, when it happened, their parents bought them a really cool new toy truck. Having one family name can band a family together. If you decide that changing your last name isn’t for you, you still have the option of hyphenating your maiden name with your husband’s surname. It allows you to retain your identity while still legally adopting your partner's moniker. Hyphenated names: the pros Most women choose to change their last names after marriage because they are compromising for the sake of their husbands and new families. About 20% of women married in recent years kept their maiden name, and another 10% compromised with a blended or hyphenated surname. How Much Does it Cost to Change Your Name? The question has come up a time or two about last names, namely if they should keep their last names, or if we should give them ours, or perhaps a hyphenated name. Do you have baby name regret?When our son came wailing into the world, we grinned down at all nine pounds, nine ounces of him, signed the birth certificate and headed home with our hyphenated-last-name baby. A common name makes you more easily recognizable as one family. Take your spouse’s last name or move your last name to use as your middle name and add your spouse’s name.Â. COVID-19 Update: Due to high demand, NewlyNamed Boxes may take up to two business days to ship. This is also called a double surname. It becomes a legal document after the marriage when the officiant files it. Michelle M. Winner is a luxury lifestyle writer and an ordained non-denominational minister. Our team is here day and night to assist with your name change. What I would like to know is, what are the pros and cons of these 3 options, and how much should we involve the kids in the decision? Logistically, changing their names took just two visits to the county courthouse and $115 each. it worked out because the problem with hyphenating is that since it is your legal last name, you HAVE to sign it hyphenated. © Copyright 2021 St. Joseph Communications. We considered naming them after our favourite hiking trail, or the city we’d lived in and loved when our first was conceived. A hyphenated last name is when you and your spouse combine both of your last names with a hyphen. With our baby’s impending due date, we were stuck on whose last name he would carry. You’ll probably have a different last name than your children. I knew a guy who had a hyphenated last name and each part was 3-4 syllables. Explaining the change to others was more of a challenge—we definitely ruffled some feathers. But finally we settled on squishing together the first half of my last name and the second half of my husband’s last name. They can be lengthy: Make sure you consider how long your name will be when joined together via a hyphen. Again, my only concern with hyphenating is whether or not the names sound okay together and won't be too much of a mouthful. .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (max-width: 525px){.related-article-block{float:none;display:block;width:280px;margin:0 auto 2rem}} pros/cons of two last names...? You will be required to pay for the cost of the petition to change it. Instead of hyphenating our last names, we decided to use one last name as a middle name (i.e. Turns out a having a hyphenated name is a real pain. Another potential con is when it comes to your children. Our kids are the only grandchildren on my husband’s side, and even the hyphenation had caused some disputes. Speaking of units, a shared last name can help create a sense of family identity, should you decide to have children. In Victorian times, the hyphenated, or what is also called the double-barreled surname, became more popular and gradually the practice has moved from upper-crust Brits to anyone. You may have to educate people on your correct last name. She completed Design House Prep School's Wedding Etiquette study and has seven years of experience as a wedding stationer. "My last name is James, my husband's is Fitzgerald, and our child's is Fitzjames," says one BabyCenter mom. I changed my name for the sake of my kids—and I regret it hide. We tossed around the idea of making up a new name, but that seemed too unconventional. - Page 3: my boyfriend and i arent married. In modern-day America and much of the English-speaking western world, the choice to hyphenate has less to do with the bourgeoise as it is a declaration of equality.Â, "Hyphenating your last name may also be a sentimental choice," says Freeman. Why my two children have different last namesThe new name felt both fresh and grounded in their history. If you are leaving for a honeymoon, the name on your ticket must match your current identification and/or passport. it will be hyphenated at the least. it gets exhausting after a while. The cons of not changing your name could be confusion with any children's last names and hassle with hyphenated names, etc. In my opinion, the pros of changing your name to your fiance's far outweigh the cons. .related-article-block{display:inline-block;width:300px;padding:0.5rem;margin-left:0.5rem;float:right;border:1px solid #ccc}@media (max-width: 525px){.related-article-block{float:none;display:block;width:280px;margin:0 auto 2rem}} Yikes. The only decision is which surname sounds better before the hyphen and which should come after. Pros and Cons of Hyphenating Name After Marriage. Cons: A hyphenated last name is sometimes long, and people tend to drop the second last name when space is an issue. We brought a certified copy of his birth certificate and travel wasn’t a problem. We had family members who weren’t happy that their last name wouldn’t be carried on to the next generation, while others thought it was just plain weird to make up something new. We spent months debating what our kids’ new, single last name would be. However, few (if any) of these will be carried with you for the rest of your life. Pros of Keeping Your Last Name: It keeps your professional identity consistent In the age of the Internet, a lot of our accomplishments and our digital footprint make up who we are, and unfortunately, it can be a little tricky to track that after a name change. Seeking advice on pros and cons of hyphenating a childs name after divorce. When I reflect on changing my sons’ names, I’m glad we did it. Pros: ... hyphenating his … Pay close attention to your marriage license application. Ideally I could get some advice and hear stories on here from people who can give good reasoning as to why hyphenating a child's last name is not a good idea, but I'm really open for any discussion on the topic. What are the pros and cons of hyphenated names? Photo: istock . I liked my name and didn’t want to go through the hassle and paperwork involved in changing it. I still didn’t want to give them just one of our last names, but the unconventional idea of making up a new name suddenly didn’t seem so weird. There is a general rule, however: the younger the child is, the more likely the last name will be that of the father’s. If they … First, his health insurance card came with just the second half of his hyphenated name, and when I called to let them know there was a mistake, I was told their system wasn’t capable of inputting hyphens. Deciding to keep or change your last name—and the time to think about your surname is well before the ceremony. John Smith Jones); however, on our second child, the two names (middle and last) were registered under the last name only. For example, both Mary White and Lauren Holland will hyphenate their names when they wed. Mary could change her name to Mary White-Holland or Mary Holland-White, and Lauren's name would change similarly. The biggest advantage of hyphenated last names is the absence of having to choose between two last names. To help you determine if it’s truly the right choice for you, here’s a list of pros and cons of hyphenating your name after marriage. If you don't get this right, you may have to spend time and money petitioning the courts for a legal name change after the marriage. In Britain, hyphenated double surnames were historically passed down to heirs. Those numbers are on the rise, which isn’t surprising considering the history of women’s rights. What Happens If Someone Objects at a Wedding? When I brought this up to my husband, he agreed without a moment’s hesitation. One that will? When a Name Change for a Child Will Be Approved Without Consent. i want to have the same last name of my baby, or at least my baby to have half of their last name be mine. St. Joseph Communications uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and for other purposes. 1. You might want to keep the name you have, but if you are changing your name, you have options: Here, we're exploring the last option, hyphenating your last name, with help from expert Valerie Freeman. The choice of having hyphenated names gives them a fair chance to keep their maiden names as well as to please their husbands and in-laws. For questions regarding your new last name, make sure to inquire with airlines and cruise ships, the marriage bureau, TSA, and U.S. Immigration before you depart. but even once/if we do get married, i will not give up my last name. In many states, when you fill out your application for your marriage license, you’ll be writing your intended married name on that application. You have spent your whole life building your identity under a certain name. When our 20-week ultrasound confirmed we were having a boy, we settled on our son’s moniker. If they use one name or the other, offer a polite correction and a warm smile. Whoa! Pros: The hyphenated surname lets you share your family name with your spouse and is a popular option for couples who want their children to have both last names. About a week later, the trouble started. But giving our kids different last names didn’t seem like an option. If you're debating whether or not to hyphenate your last name, considering these pros and cons may help: If you decide that hyphenating your last name is the right choice for you, here are some tips to be aware of: Some states require you to write your new hyphenated name on your marriage license application. "Many couples with more conservative upbringings may not be keen on the idea. Update your name change on all legal documents. Some family members were just disappointed, and while we understood the sadness they felt, the new name felt right to us and we weren’t changing our minds again. This is especially true if the child hasn’t started school yet. If your children are using your new name, check-in with their school teachers, dentist and doctor's offices, etc. Cons. (It seemed unfair to erase half of his history just because we wanted things to be simple.) When there were no male heirs to the estate in the bride's line, the name could be used by the husband, usually done if he was from a family less well-off than the bride's family. Some people ignore hyphens. Again, we hyphenated and encountered all the same issues we’d had with my first-born. Pros: After We're Married, Can My Husband Take My Last Name? For example, if your last name is Smith and the mother’s last name is Brown, a judge could change your child’s name to Smith-Brown. Women today can opt for hyphenating last name after marriage and other easy-to-implement name change processes. Now, when people realize my kids have a different last name than my husband and I, the most frequent question we get is “What will your sons do when they get married and have kids?” To that I respond, “We trust they’ll figure it out, at least by the second try, just like we did.”, Read more: How Do We Monogram Initials for Our Wedding? We also didn’t really want to hyphenate, as we’d heard from friends with hyphenated names that dealing with a hyphen was a real pain. report. to make sure everyone has the names correctly noted in their files. From our initial conversation, we knew we didn’t want him to only have one of our names. Parents invented over 1,000 new baby names in 2017. It was her birth name and she adored it. This practice began in the 15th century and was limited to nobility or those of great wealth. When we’d gotten married several years earlier, I opted not to change my name. If you both know that you are keeping your own last names, there is no reason to stress over what you should do. You can do some of the changes before the wedding, but many require a certified copy of your recorded marriage license which you’ll only have after the wedding. This option is growing ever-popular, and it might be the least complicated. We didn’t hyphenate, my wife kept her last name. But think of it this way: hyphenating both partners' last names can be incredibly meaningful for a woman whose traditional family has no sons to carry on their last name.". What Is Name Blending, and Why Are Couples Doing It? We knew we still might have some issues due to the fact that neither of us would share their name (we still each liked our names), but we figured that since they had the same last name, one that was clearly derivative of both our last names, they’d feel connected and it would be clear to outsiders that we were a family. How to Get a Marriage License in New York City, Tips for Filing Your Taxes as a Married Couple, Everything You Need to Know About Traveling and a Name Change. Once the legal name change was complete, most of the opposition quieted down. Also, the likelihood of the child one day passing along her full last name is not strong as it will become more complicated when combined with another name if she chooses to do that as a parent. It wasn’t until a friend who wanted to get a blanket embroidered asked what my baby’s monogram would be that I realized we still had something major to decide: his last name. We wanted something unique but not weird, something that rolled off our tongues easily. February 14, 2019. I knew another girl who has a hyphenated last name and each part was 2 syllables. By the time he turned one, we had encountered issues with almost every major institution we interacted with. By Julia Pelly Next, the hospital sent us two bills for his birth, one with the first half of his last name, the other with the second. (For example, the Helling-Coleman brothers become the Hellman brothers.). When you have a hyphenated name, you can expect that people will make assumptions about who you are as a person, but their expectations will reflect their points of view more than your own. At a pre-K orientation, when other parents began talking about all the paperwork public school required, I had an “aha!” moment. Marriage Certificates and Licenses: Everything You Need to Know. 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